Thursday, November 20, 2008

Hockey Mom Wannabe

So, a hockey mom wannabe, her hockey son wannabe, Jack, and his little sisters, Molly (hockey wannabe) and Alison (beautician wannabe) jumped into the car for a ride to the hockey store. Jack was going to learn to play roller hockey and needed some equipment. Before entering the store, the kids had to listen to the lecture about proper "shopping with mom" etiquette. The lecture was mostly for Jack and Molly. Alison always followed the rules and very rarely got into trouble. She had her thumb, blanket and stuffed kitty; life was good for Alison.

"You will NOT touch anything. You WILL walk behind me at all times. We are shopping for your BROTHER, and your brother alone," announced mom.

As they walked down the aisle with helmets and shin guards, mom began to pick out equipment for Jack to try on. Jack saw the skate display at the end of the aisle and ran over to check it out.

"Mom, look at these cool skates," he said with kid-in-a-candy-store enthusiasm.

Mom followed saying, "We already have skates, honey, and we are not buying new ones today."

Jack lowered his head and sadly replied, "okay...but these are really sweet skates!"

From a short distance behind mom, she heard the words, "Mommy, look at me!" Mom swung around to see Molly dressed in full hockey gear from helmet to skates.

"Oh, sweetie," mom said, trying to contain both her laughter and the urge to release the dragon fire building up inside. "Remember what mommy said? We are shopping for Jack today. There is nothing in here that you need right now. Please go and put away the equipment." Mom turned back around to Jack and they both began to snicker.

"Okay, mommy" said Molly smiling as she and Alison walked back down the aisle. "Don't you think these are pretty, Alison?" Molly asked. Alison had her thumb comfortably in her mouth, so she replied by moving her head up and down. Jack tried on a helmet. It fit perfectly. Mom then picked out some gloves and shin guards. Jack and mom began to make their way to the cash register when they heard a scuffle behind them.

"Mommy, look at me now!" squealed Molly. Mom turned around to see that Molly was still in full gear, but she now had a hockey stick in her hand!

"That’s it!" exclaimed mom in her most I’m really, really mad now voice. "You are to take every single piece of equipment off, put it away and go sit down by THAT wall over there," pointing to the wall close to the register.

"Okay mommy!" Molly said as she skated down the aisle. She was very pleased with herself as she put away the equipment she had been wearing. Alison took her thumb out of her mouth so she could help her sister. They put the items in any open places they could find. As Molly was attempting to return the hockey stick next to the other sticks...all in a row...all 50 of them, she tripped and fell on the end stick. Like dancers in a chorus line, one by one, all of the sticks came crashing down. “Uh-oh,” murmured Molly. Alison gave her blanket to Molly thinking she was really going to need it.

Mom then fell to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably. The young salesman was an absolute angel. He quickly rang the sale, bagged the items and escorted the family to the door. They power-walked to the car, jumped in and clicked on their seatbelts. Mom turned around and said tenderly to the kids, “I love you” in a voice that only a mother could understand.

True story...names were changed to protect the innocent.

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